The Good, The Bad & The Damn Right Ugly.

Who is this man??

Opening up my local paper whilst indulging my semi conscious form with Puffa Wheats and milk for breakfast last Thursday afternoon.

An article stood out and awoke me, an article quite like no other I had ever seen before in a usually dull and dreary weekly periodical.

 Nestled in between the usual moral panic inducing scare stories of “Cow attacks four pensioners”, “Snake left on Doorstep”  and the customary weekly Met Office street crime statics reports for the area which reads like this weeks lottery numbers.

The bold title read……

“BIG TIME IN HIS SIGHTS“  with a picture now bare with me on this of …..

Suraj Unulkat (see above).

Who is Suraj Unulkat? Who is Suraj Unulkat? WHO.IS.SURAJ.UNULKAT!!!?

He is only a fellow pouting and preening and other “puh, puh, puh-ing” adjective we could lazily stick in this sentence to describe low and behold a man whose occupation the paper declares to be a part-time model.

 But it doesn’t just stop there for Suraj Unulkat not only does he hail one road away from my birthplace he also currently owns the title of Mr. North London and is entering into the MR.ENGLAND 2010 competition. MR BLOODY ENGLAND!! 

Here is what Suraj had to say about the upcoming competition which lay ahead of him…

“At the finals we do the same as the women, there are catwalk rounds with gym wear, black tie and there’s also a cowboy themed round as well which will be interesting.”

Do not adjust your retinas you’ve read that correctly. That’s right, a cowboy themed round! Just imagine ten English men galavanting around a catwalk in full cowboy garb in a model rendition of spaghetti western classic we could call it the “The Good, The Bad & The Damn Right Ugly”

Eager and keen to find out more I did what anyone with fruitless numbers of hours to waste would do, I visited the Mr England 2010 website which is confusingly found on missengland.info and weighed up my bow tie cladded new heros competitors (images all nicked off the website)

First outlaw up is….

MR COLCHESTER.

Colchester is reputed to be the home of the famous nursery rhyme “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” could Thomas Whittam be Mr.Englands own twinkling little star? 

Mr. Coventry

On 12 March 2008 an unexploded World War II Luftwaffe bomb was discovered in Coventry. Thankfully experts were called in but how can we really be sure it wasn’t just Michael “Blonde Bombshell” Gray having a sun bath (In March! blame global warming!).

Could Grey ignite the judge’s interests?

MR.LIVERPOOL

Will Mr.Liverpool be able to extend his wardrobe to one more tight fitting white tee?

I decided that instead of attempting to create witty one line captions for the rest of the contestants I would just show them to you.
Call me a lazy bloger but you try having a go at creating your own bon mot for a guy who lives in Nuneaton.

Right, I think you’ll agree that’s enough sculptured body hair and designer pant grabbing for one day, thank you.

After looking at the other contestants it’s as Alex Delarge from A Clockwork Orange would say “as clear as the azure sky of deepest summer” that my own homegrown peer Suraj will rightfully take the crown and glory and if he does, yes you heard it hear first readers…..I will enter in for the Mr. England 2011!

Now hand me those designer Speedos Mr.Nuneaton but, please mate, wash them first.